31 Days

October 15 is Infant & Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day and it feels right to put my thoughts down. On August 31, 2022, one day before my third wedding anniversary, I experienced a miscarriage just before the eight-week mark. 

1 in 4 pregnancies results in a loss but I couldn’t think of anyone who I could talk to, who also went through this. And even if I did, I didn’t know how to talk about it. This isn’t something that many people feel comfortable sharing with the world and it’s also something we don’t necessarily feel comfortable talking about with close family or friends either. 

I am sharing my story to help me heal.

When we found out we were pregnant; I wasn’t necessarily excited. Getting to the point of wanting a second child has been a process. The first year of motherhood was not great for me, and I struggled with the severe lack of sleep, a change in identity, navigating life as a mom, and so much more. I didn’t think I would want to have a second child. As time went on, when Remi was about 18 months, I felt more comfortable with the thought of having another. Still very overwhelmed and not quite ready but starting to become more open to the idea. I told Rob I would be open to starting to try after the summer in September because I wanted to enjoy my hot mom summer. 

Enjoying the summer, I had just returned from a work trip where I had some late nights and was exhausted. I learned colleagues I was with got Covid, so naturally, I went and got a test, but a part of me questioned, could my exhaustion be early pregnancy? I doubted it but decided to get a test anyway. I took both tests to find out I did not have Covid but was pregnant. 

I was shocked and a bit annoyed because my hot mom summer was cut short, and I wanted to enjoy drinking my Pinot Grigio's for the rest of my summer. When I saw the two bright pink lines, I immediately started to think about what was coming.

My first pregnancy was so easy and relaxing; I chilled on the couch and took naps whenever I wanted. I would not just be growing a little human but also taking care of a child. I questioned if I could handle it all. But that’s normal to be overwhelmed and question these things.

As the days went on, my excitement grew. We shared the news with our parents and siblings, excited to finally tell them all in person. But looking back at this short time, I always felt a sense of hesitation… I am a person to dive right into things. Get a registry going right away, plan the room, etc., but I didn’t do that.

After having Remi, I am so much more knowledgeable of the process, the good and bad, that from the start knowing how possible a miscarriage could be. With Remi, the idea of a miscarriage never crossed my mind. I could have just been naive back then or maybe my mind and body were preparing me. for what was to come.

Who knows, but I now know the signs were there. The closer we got to the first appointment, I didn’t experience many pregnancy symptoms, thinking this would be another easy pregnancy but really, my body wasn’t growing a little being anymore.

I went up for a boat ride at my in-laws and while changing into my bathing suit I noticed a very light spotting. This was only a few days before my first prenatal appointment. The photo above was taken on that boat ride right after I noticed the spotting and will forever honor my pregnancy loss.

The next day I called the doctor, who said it could be normal but was too early to know. As each day went on the bleeding increased more and more. I had a feeling the night before my first prenatal appointment that I was no longer pregnant, it didn’t feel right. When we went in for the appointment, they confirmed what I had felt, I experienced a chemical pregnancy, a type of miscarriage. This is where my body created and implanted an embryo but after that point, it never grew into a fetus. This was a new concept to me because following the pregnancy apps I was supposed to have a baby the size of a raspberry when I went for my ultrasound. But it wasn’t there.

No one prepares you for something like this. Sitting on the table in the doctor’s office they asked what questions I had. I couldn’t think, I didn’t know what to ask. I was not prepared for this and not prepared for what was to come emotionally and physically.

I only knew I was pregnant for 31 days, but the loss and grief I have felt since that day has been immense. 

If you have experienced pregnancy loss, I am so sorry. During my grief, I felt the grief of everyone else who has experienced this, who has felt alone through this, and who has never shared their experience with others. Although II had my family there for me, I felt so lonely. I am grateful I found the Hope After Loss support group that made my feelings and experience feel valid. I felt heard, supported, loved, and not alone. 

There is so much more I want to share through my healing process. Like all of my other posts, I use this site as a place to heal and share what is hard for me.

Thank you for reading my story <3

5 Steps to Plan An Unforgettable Trip Abroad

Did you just graduated from college? Don't know where your life is going? Are unhappy with your job? Or are just looking for some adventure?

GO TRAVEL!

"Cue the excuses"

It's too expensive... I don't have time... I can't leave my job... I have no one to travel with... I am too old to travel...blah blah blahhhh

Well I am here to help you make travel possible!

As Mark Twain said, "Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do that by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER."

First off, please make sure you have a passport! According to the State Department ONLY 36% of Americans own a valid passport! I couldn't believe this! Last minute travel plans are always a possibility and fun so go get it!

Planning the Trip

I had just graduated college and decided to live in Buenos Aires, Argentina for 1 month. I really just wanted to go do something fun before I started a full-time position and any "real" responsibilities. Through my adventure I was able to come up with these steps that could help you too with your travel planning.

Step 1 - Set Your Intention

If you practice yoga, then you know before your practice you will set your intention. I like to say the same thing when planning a trip. Is your intention to learn another language, volunteer, visit as many places as possible in a certain period of time, live like a local, learn a new skill, explore the unknown, relax, or to have no plan at all and let life happen? Having an intention or purpose can give your trip a focus.

If your purpose of traveling is to "find yourself" well change your mind set. Life and love are very similar where "Life Finds You, You Don't Find Life." If you do want to "find yourself" then focus on stepping outside of your comfort zone, learn new things, take risk, meet new people or go on adventures. Through your actions, you can "find yourself".

Step 2 - Picking the Destination(s)

You have 7 continents and 195 countries (excluding the US) to pick from. You literally have the whole world to chose from! Setting your intention may help you with this step.  If money is your biggest concern, check out 130 World's Cheapest Cities To Travel. I lived on a budget yet very comfortably in Buenos Aires, Argentina for 1 month, which is ranked #63 on the list.

Unless you have a specific purpose, like a job or volunteer project that requires you to be in one place for the whole time period, MOVE AROUND. I primarily stayed in Buenos Aires for my month in Argentina, with no real purpose of doing so. If you can, move around and travel to different parts of the country or to other countries.

Step 3 - Do Your Research

Research is very important! I would say I spent at least 2 hours a day researching. s want to make sure you are getting "the best bang for your buck". I highly recommend you research your destination(s) to have at least a basic understanding of the languages, transportation, culture, living style, cost of living, attractions, activities, etc. I do not recommend relying on when you arrive to

What to research

• Top Attractions - What are THE places to see and go to in the country. Also research some not so touristy attractions if you want to go off the unbeaten path.

• Currency - Some countries have multiple dollar markets and rates. This will help you understand if you need to pay only in US cash, if you can exchange before, or use your credit cards.

• Languages - Some countries speak different languages  within different regions.

• Weather - Remember summer in the US can be a countries winter. Make sure you research expected weather for the time your are traveling.

• Vaccines - In many countries, especially Asian and Africa, you will need to get vaccines.

• Visas and Entry Fees - You may have to apply for a visa or you may just get your visa upon arrive. I also learned that some countries have an entry fee that needs to be paid for before your arrival. In Argentina the Entry fee was $160 if you were from the US.

• Deals - Search what are the best deals you can get. If you plan to stay in hotels then try booking your hotel and flights together. If you are staying in one place for a longer period of time try renting an apartment. Airbnb is a great credible site

Step 4 - Paying for your trip

Unless you are a multimillionaire, you will need to make sure you have the money for your trip and budget. If traveling is something you truly want to do, it is completely possible! You may just have to do a little more work to make it happen. Once you set how much you need for the trip, here are some ways to help you pay for your trip.

• Prioritize your money - make a list, from most important to least important of your monthly expenses. Cut off those least important expenses(Starbucks, eating out, cable...let's be real we are all watching Netflix) and put that saved money into the travel fund. It adds up fast!

• Time Is Key - Give yourself some time to save, especially if you are starting from scratch.

• Work Abroad - If planning for long term travel, you can also work abroad as a nanny, in a cafe, at a hostel, tutoring, working online, etc.

• Credit Points - Try and find a credit card that gives you travel rewards.

• Be realistic -  Understand that you may not be able to afford a luxury.

• Start a GoFundMe - These online fundraising websites are great for people to reach a wider audience and easy for people to donate.

• Check out Y Travel to learn some great tips to save money while your are traveling!

• NOTE: Being a recent college and not having children, a mortgage, and other expensive monetary responsibilities, you may need some extra advice besides this.

Step 5 - Do Something With Your Trip

One of the most rewarding components of travel is to share it with others. With there being only about 1/3 of Americans who travel outside of the US, educate others on what you experienced. I spoke to a 7th grade social studies class on my travels to share with them what the world really is like and to hopefully inspire them to travel one day. Be creative!

I will forever dream of the crown

Supposedly today is International Pageant Day and this feels suiting to share. 3 years ago I shared a post about processing my first year after my last pageant. That post was so therapeutic to share and a few years later I have another one for you all.

This weekend young women are checking in and competing for the titles of Miss Connecticut USA and Teen USA. This year I keep thinking about my experiences competing and how much I miss the adrenaline, the glam and the excitement of this weekend. I keep imagining what everyone is feeling right now, picking out the perfect check-in outfit, last-minute preparations, getting your hair and make-up on point. I can’t tell you the number of times I have recently dreamt that I was competing in the pageant again (even though in my dreams I was still married and had a child lol).

Every young woman who steps into that competition has the goal to walk away with the crown. It may be someones very first time competing or someone's 7th + time. They all worked so hard for months, preparing to bring their best selves mentally and physically to show the judges that they are the ones for this job. At the end of the day, only one will walk away with the crown and no matter what that is hard to deal with.

The feeling we get when we have a crown on our head, is we feel heard, seen and have this amazing purpose. We are driven women making a difference in our communities, inspiring others to be strong and believe in themselves and be a beacon of hope. People are watching you, paying attention to your every move and you feel like a celebrity which brings the good and bad, but it feels really good.

When the pageant weekend ends and the crown is not on your head you may become lost, confused and not understand your purpose anymore.

After my fourth and last time competing for Miss Connecticut USA, I was so close. Placing 1st runner up and winning the interview award is an amazing accomplishment that I am proud of but it wasn’t the crown. 

That feeling of complete uncertainty and unpredictability is tough to handle and process. That last year of competing I had never felt so secure in who I was as a young woman. In years past I would focus on what I thought the judges would be looking for or wanting to hear instead of my own desires and ideas. Although I was heartbroken, I was also at peace because the many years of competing in pageants all connected in that moment of true self-worth. 

I wish so badly I could say I was Miss Connecticut USA and competed at Miss USA but that was not my reality. I am grateful to say I was Miss Connecticut Teen USA, something that so many also worked to achieve, but not being about to walk across that Miss USA stage on National television will always be something I will wish I achieved.

Winning the pageant feels like the end goal at the moment but now being on the other side life goes on and it may take time to find ways to continue to embrace your pageantry side of life outside of pageants. Your life may not be as glamorous but the work you have put into yourself will not go unnoticed. I may not be a celebrity but I can walk into a room without a crown and be noticed. I can nail any job interview because I can speak confidently and answer any question even if I don’t know the answer. I also know what my body needs physically and mentally. We are all amazing women and I am forever grateful for the life preparation pageants gave me.

For the young women who walk away with the crown, congratulations you are worthy and will have an unforgettable year ahead of you. To the rest of you who do not, you are allowed to be upset and heartbroken. But remember…

You are also worthy. 

You are remarkable. 

You are inspiring. 

You are beautiful. 

Sincerely,

Samantha (Sojka) LaBonne

7 Tips For First-Time Moms

1. Have Your Recovery Kit Ready

   Prepare your recovery kit before having the baby. As moms, we often focus on what to pack for the hospital bag or make sure the nursery is all set but don’t think much about what we will need when we get home. I didn’t have many of these prior to coming home and scrambled to get them. They make premade postpartum sets that have many of these items but honestly, it’s probably cheaper to just buy them individually because you will need more than what the premade kits provide, most likely.

   • Here is what I used to help with recovery:

     • Ice pads - you can make your own by buying pads, getting them wet and putting them in the freezer or just buy the Fridamom pads or take all you can from the hospital.

     • Depends/Adult Diapers - I wish I could wear these every day! They were actually very comfortable and so convenient. Wearing the Depends was easier, especially in the beginning, instead of wearing a large pad. 

     • Perineal spray or witch hazel pads- this helps with the itching or pain. Put one in every bathroom for easy access.

     • Perineal spray bottle - to help keep it clean down there, also keep one of these in every bathroom. I bought the one linked here but also used the one they gave me in the hospital.

     • Stool Softener - to help with #2’s. I took stool softeners for 6 weeks because I had a significant tear and not once felt pain going #2, halleluiah!

     • Advil & Tylenol - to help manage any pain you may be in.

     • Sleep mask - to help you nap during the day. I had never used one prior to having a baby but boy does it help with daytime naps.

     • Fuzzy Robe - If you are breastfeeding, your boobs will be out all the time, which your husband/partner will love lol. I lived in my fuzzy robe day in and day out because it just made life so much easier than wearing clothes or putting on a nursing bra. Plus if your nipples hurt or get beat up, as mine did, anything that touched them hurt except for the robe.

     • If you plan on breastfeeding here are some things to make sure you have on hand:

       • Heat/Cooling pads - these were a lifesaver when your milk starts coming in, if you are engorged, or want to help your supply. I had two sets, one was always in the freezer and the other was ready to just heat up.

       • Disposable Nursing Pads – I was a waterfall in the beginning when it came to leaking, it is the most annoying thing, you wake up in puddles, clothes soaked, and it just keeps going. The reusable pads are eco-friendly and great but you will go through them so quickly that it is hard to keep up with keeping them clean. Just buy the disposable ones.

       • Breast Shells – Now breast shells are never going to be leakproof so you can’t go doing yoga or bend over but these help with the leaking plus you can save what you collected and start a freezer stash if you want. When breastfeeding I would put one on the opposite breast as I would always leak, some people use the haakaa but I never had a liking to it.

       • Lanolin Nipple Cream - This helps soothe those sensitive, overstimulated or cracked nipples. I like getting the small ones and keep them spread around the house in each area I would breastfeed (the bedroom, nursery and living room) that way it was always nearby.

2. Take all the help you can get

   We do not have to do it all, REPEAT, we do not have to do it all! We feel that we should be able to handle taking care of a newborn, keeping the house clean, cooking, and laundry but really what we need is REST. You just carried a child for 9 months and birthed it. Your body needs to rest and recover and the quickest way to recovery is through rest.

   I am not afraid to say that I did not enjoy the newborn phase. The lack of sleep, constant struggle with breastfeeding, emotional ups and downs, and body changes… I was not for it. I couldn’t wait to get over it and you know what, I discovered I am not alone on this one. What helped me get through the first weeks was taking all the help I could get. The book The First Forty Days really opened up my eyes to how important and deserving we are to rest and recover after a baby. Ways people can help:

   • Have family/friends/hired help take the baby when they are not feeding to allow you to rest. I had family spend a night(s) to help with the night shift in the first 2 weeks or someone would be here during the day to take the baby so I could catch up on sleep. This helped tremendously. I didn’t know sleep deprivation until I had a child and our own well-being is just as important.

   • Ask for meals. Ask friends or family to bring you meals because cooking is the last thing you want to do, or if you don’t have people who can just drop food off, prepare meals for the freezer before the baby comes or ask for a food delivery service gift card (DoorDash/Uber eats, etc.) or gift cards for restaurants nearby.

   • Have someone walk/exercise your dogs if you have them. Many of us have dogs before we ever have kids and our pets become our fur babies. We often feel guilty for the lack of attention they get but if you just don’t have the energy to dedicate to them in the beginning, ask someone to walk or play with them for you.

   • Seek professional help or join a support group. Our lives are changing in so many ways and having someone to talk to or confide in can go such a long way.

3. Find a lactation consultant prior to birth

   If you decide to breastfeed or pump, find a lactation consultant prior to having your baby. What people don’t talk enough about is how challenging the breastfeeding journey can be. For some, it comes naturally, but for many, it is hard. From the painful latches, engorgement, mastitis, under/overproducing, latch difficulties, lip/tongue ties…. The list goes on. Many people give up trying breastfeeding quickly because they don’t have the support

   Some hospitals may already have a consultant onsite but it is good to confirm or find someone off-site. Reach out to let them know you are expecting soon to confirm they are taking on new patients. I didn’t start working with a lactation consultant until a month in and I wish I got help sooner. Meet with a lactation consultant who can help you, if breastfeeding is your goal. Here you can find an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant near you.

4. Prepare Your Breast Pump & Bottles

   Learn how to use your breast pump prior to the baby arriving and have bottles ready for use. You may plan to exclusively breastfeed but some people unexpectedly need to supplement with formula, start pumping or bottle feed. If this happens, first remember you are a great mom! The last thing you want to stress about is learning how to use your pump, finding or buying bottles, and then cleaning them all. I struggled with breastfeeding and when I went to my lactation consultant she told me to start triple feeding to help my son gain weight (breastfeed, pump and bottle feed). I was not ready for this and wish I was more prepared. Also, get a hands-free pumping bra in advance, when you are caring for a newborn, no one has two hands to hold those things.

5. Find a Pelvic Floor Therapist

   You just birthed a child, your body is not the same it was prior to pregnancy. Seeing a pelvic floor therapist, even just once, is something so many women do not even consider. They can help with any pain you are experiencing, help with diastasis rectus abdominis (separation of your abs), or even prepare you for when you are ready to take the step of having sex again because pain during sex is not normal! You also don’t have to be in pain to see a pelvic floor therapist. I recommend finding someone who specializes in this area or women’s health. This video can be helpful to learn more about pelvic floor therapy and what to expect in your visit.

6. Take a newborn course

   I am someone who did not babysit growing up and changed only 1 diaper prior to having my child. I had limited knowledge of caring for a baby. I needed some help in learning what to do or expect at the beginning with this little human. I was pregnant during the pandemic so an in-person course was not possible but there are so many great programs out there to help prepare you. I took the Karing for Postpartum courses which went over breastfeeding, pumping, caring for a newborn and more.

7. Be Gentle With Yourself

   This goes without saying but you are going to be a great mom. Everyone experiences motherhood differently. I did not like the newborn phase one bit and had moments I wish I never put myself through this and that is okay. We are still our own person, even though it doesn’t feel like it and everything is changing about us. It will take time to come to terms with your new life and a new body. Allow those tears to flow, to feel what you feel and know you are doing everything you need to be doing. Trust yourself, you got this!

I hope these 7 tips help you in preparing to welcome your little human into this world. Let me know in the comments below what helped you as a first-time mom or what you wish you knew back then.

One year post pageant... Who am I?

Today 17 Miss and 9 Teens make their way to check into the Miss Connecticut USA & Teen USA pageant. For the past 4 years I have been one of those girls. This year… I sit at my desk… at work… with no makeup on…mourning…. over pageants and experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out). Last year I left the pageant as 1st runner up, winner of interview and at peace that my journey to the crown was over. After 4 years of competing for Miss CT USA I made the decision to move on to my next adventure in life, whatever that would be. But right now, at this very moment, I hold back tears missing the feeling of excitement and adrenaline of pageant weekend.  

I did not age out of the competition, I still could have competed for 2 more years, but I made the decision that I was ready to move on. All these feelings I have are normal, I would consider them like the way people feel during the holidays after they broke up with someone they had been dating for years. You miss all the good times and relive the memories and think about what could have been…. even though you were the one to end it and it was the right call. That’s what is happening to me right now. I have thought to myself many times, “Just show up!” “Come on just one more time” “So what you’re getting married, if you win, delay the wedding” and going through the “what if” scenarios.  Basically I have been driving myself nuts.  

I felt like sharing this with the world because there are so many of us young women who experience these feelings and writing them down is therapeutic to me.

This past year has been interesting, and I have experienced many changes and a lot of confusion in my self-identity. Pageants have been such a critical part of my how I identify myself for over 10 years and now I had to ask myself, who am I without pageants? To be honest the answer is “I don’t know”. I accredit who I am today because of pageantry, and feel like the skills I need for my job were learned through pageants …

Well, it has been 1 year since competing at Miss CT USA and I still don’t know who I am without pageants, but I am working on it. Even though I am still working through discovering myself, which takes time, this past year has been a great start to the process. I look for ways to learn, books to read, and workshops to attend to force myself to get outside of my comfort zone and continue to move forward.

“Don’t lose your present to your past”

These questions have helped me start my journey through self discovery and I hope they can help you if needed.

• How can I love myself today?

• How can I simplify my life?

• What do I do everyday that makes me proud to be me?

• How do I feel about me right now?

• What am I grateful for?

• What keeps me trapped in old patterns?

• What is one thing I can do today that will get me closer to my dreams?

• What do I desire?

• What story can I let go of today that no longer serves me?

• How do I define myself?

I wanted to share a few things that have happened during my first year post pageants. I have….

said yes

I am not going to lie, I knew when I told Rob, my now fiancé, that I was ready to move on from pageants, he would put a ring on it… and he did just that 😉 Planning a wedding has been really enjoyable and picking out my wedding dress was the best dress shopping I have ever experienced. Although I miss pageants, I cannot wait to become Mrs. LaBonne on 9.1.19

A New Job

I took a leap of faith to make a job change and it has been a great decision. I am now a Community Relations Specialist back at Eversource where I am the main point of contact for municipal and community leaders to answer their questions and support community priorities and initiatives. This job has a lot to learn but I have been enjoying the challenge and love the team I work with.

started therapy

I was debating whether to share this with the world but therapy should not be something people feel they should hide. I meet with someone once a week to help me work through this confusing time in my life where so much is changing. I don’t feel damaged or that something is wrong with me. Therapy is a wonderful tool that more people should use, no matter the challenges you are facing, big or small.

Focused on inner peace

I signed up for the 200 Hour Yoga Teacher Training and can’t wait to start the process later this month. Yoga has so many mental and physical benefits that I wanted to take the opportunity to deepen my own practice, learn new things, and double down on this hobby and lifestyle.

not stepped on a scale

I have had to work a lot on loving my physical self post pageant and one of the first steps was to realize the scale does not define me. During a pageant you feel your most confident self, dedicating months to be in your best physical and mental state of mind. I literally have not stepped on a scale since the pageant and it has relieved stress and anxiety I have put on myself. This has forced me to listen to my body and focus on how I feel, not how I look. I wanted to continue to live a healthy lifestyle but maintaining pageant physical status is not sustainable for me. I started CrossFit, practice yoga and work towards eating healthy about 80% of the time. This took a lot of experimenting to understand what works for me and supports a healthy physical and mental state of mind. I feel very proud of myself for not focusing on a number or a size because deep down I am much happier with myself. My body is going to continue to change, and I need to keep working on not comparing myself to what I look like for pageants or compare myself to others. This too will be a constant process but at the end of the day the only person besides myself that I care what they think of my looks is my fiance, and he likes what he sees. (Que sassy snap)

Good luck!

Lastly, best of luck to all of the contestants competing this weekend, there are many of us post pageant girls who are wishing we were back in your 4 inch high heel shoes. Take in every moment, be grateful for the opportunity and if you do not win and decide to move on to the next chapter in life, I am here as a shoulder to cry on, open arms to hug or friend to talk to. Life is never perfect and sometimes the universe has other plans for you and you just have to wait to find out what they are.

Dreams Do Not Always End Like Fairy-Tales

There are moments in life when we experience disappointment, but how we handle the disappointment can bring growth, acceptance, and clarity. Competing at Miss Connecticut USA was an experience I will never forget.   I learned being authentic, having perseverance and a commitment to personal growth pays off, and that everything happens for a reason, even though we may not know what the reason is for a long time.

My journey to Miss Connecticut USA has included being Miss Connecticut Teen USA 2011, 4th runner-up and 1st runner-up at Miss Connecticut USA, to last year when I competed and didn’t make the top 5. Going from first-runner up to not making top five for me was heartbreaking and confusing, and I began to question myself and my dreams. For some of you non-pageant people this may not seem like a big deal, but I compare this to being the athlete who trains and prepares for years, always makes the elite team, and suddenly doesn’t. I felt I was prepared, I trained, I felt confident and was in competition shape.  Today I realize that I needed that setback to happen to create the drive I had this year.

“The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.”

— Confucius

This year I would be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid to return and compete again. I had self-doubt and didn’t believe in myself. But I had a dream and I wasn’t ready to give up on it. A woman special to me, Tiffany Delmonico, inspired me to give this dream another shot by telling me to go into this competition and “truly be myself”. Being yourself sounds so easy, but it is one of life's biggest struggles. To be yourself you must be mindful of who you are, have a true understanding of your strengths, weaknesses, fears and desires, and in spite of all the comparisons we make to each other and the influence of social media, love how you look!  

I dug deep and thought of what I needed to improve upon and how I could improve an area of weakness. For me, the interview part of the competition was where I felt I needed to improve upon.  I tended to get in my own head, try to say what I thought the judges wanted to hear instead of letting them get to know the “real” me. This year I pushed myself, took risks, and discovered more about ME. I became more authentic and confident. I got in front of as many people as possible to practice and accept feedback and constructive criticism and turn my weakness into my strength. I am so proud to say that as a result, I won the interview award, which for me, is almost as rewarding as winning the title. This was possible because of the encouragement, honesty and support of my friends and family.

I would have loved to have been Miss Connecticut USA, representing the State I was born and raised in at Miss USA, but it was not meant to be. It is sad and a bit overwhelming to know that the pursuit of a dream I have worked towards for so many years has ended.  Through this journey I have come to the realization that almost everything I wanted to accomplish as Miss Connecticut USA is still a possibility (except competing at Miss USA). I am ready and excited for this next chapter in my life and I finally have the clarity that I don’t need a crown to make my dreams come true.

As for Jamie Hughes, Miss Connecticut USA 2018, I am lucky to have been the one holding your hands to the very end. You are inspirational, compassionate and a leader. The last time Miss Connecticut USA won Miss Congeniality, she went on to win Miss USA! I can’t wait to follow your journey to Miss USA and I will be cheering you on the entire way because…. girls compete with each other, WOMEN EMPOWER one another.

Head shot: Eric Snyder Photography

Opening Number Dress: Atiana's Boutique

Swimsuit: Venus

Fitness & Nutrition: Tuttle Nutrition

Interview Dress: MILLY

Evening gown earrings: DesertRoseDesign10 Only $40 off of Etsy!

Evening gown: Sherri Hill from Glitterati

Evening gown alterations: Irene Rocha

Pageant Photographer: Leroy Amankrah

Hair color, cut & extensions: Allusions Salon & Boutique

How to Instantly Improve Your Mood

We all have those day when we are in a funk, feeling sorry for ourselves, having "one of those days" or maybe just can’t stop crying. So what do you do when that happens? You can continue to stay in the funk or you can do one simple thing… SMILE.

I am lucky to have a person in my life who just knows what to do if I am having “one of those days”. He doesn’t try to solve my problems, he listens to my worries, wipes my tears and then pushes me to FAKE IT.

Have you ever heard they saying “fake it until you make it?” Well that is exactly what you need to do to help you in these crappy situations. There have been numerous studies that show those who fake a smile actually find that their mood is elevated after smiling. Smiling can even help lower your heart rate and stress levels.

Sooooo....

Go run to your boyfriend/girlfriend, best friend, parents, whomever and say “MAKE ME LAUGH” and smile and laugh at everything they say.

Go outside and just smile, smile at the sky, the bumble bee, literally anything. 

Play with your dog…because we all know dogs make people smile.

It may be uncomfortable to fake a smile and you may fight it but have a person literally time you to smile for at least 30 seconds. You will be surprised of how that little bit helps.

Will this cure your problems? No…but what it will do is make you feel better than how you were feeling.

No matter what mood you are in, we can all use more happiness in our lives…so SMILE.

5 Things To Do and 5 Places to Eat in San Carlos de Bariloche

After only 2 weeks in Buenos Aires, Rob and I felt that we needed to get out of the city and see more of Argentina. So we took the 21-hour bus to San Carlos de Bariloche for 6 days. Visiting Bariloche in March it is normally the start of their fall and starting to cool down, but when we arrived it was 75F every day! This gave us the opportunity to take advantage of the outdoors. Here are some of our reccomendations on what to do and places to eat while visiting Bariloche.

Outdoor Activities:

1. Cerro Campanario

This is THE the best view in Bariloche. It gives you a panoramic view of the mountains and lakes. Truly a spot not to miss! You can either hike up to the top (about 30-40 minutes) or take the chair lift for $120 pesos per person. At the top there is a café where you can get a beer, empanadas, and postres while you enjoy the panoramic view.

Yes...this is real!

2. Horseback Riding

If you have had enough hiking, another great way to see the views is through Horseback Riding. There are many companies in Bariloche, I went with Cabalgatas Haneck, which was a wonderful experience. We did the half-day riding experience (about 2 hrs. of riding) with an Argentina Asado lunch (traditional barbeque) for $800 pesos per person. If you were looking to see the view of the lakes though, I would go with a different company as we only saw the scenery of the national park, which were still beautiful.

3. Fly Fishing 

If you have never fly fished in your life or you are a seasoned fisherman, Bariloche is the place to fly fish! Their best season is November – January, if you want to catch the big fish, but I went in March and still managed to catch 6 fish, although they were very small. The water is crystal clear and views are phenomenal. A full day includes all the equipment and a lunch cooked right on the riverbed by your guide (steak, salad, wine, beer and dessert!). This is definitely an excursion to splurge on as it costs about $400 USD for 2 people. I highly recommend Outfitters Patagonia Fly Fishing, their service is fantastic and were able to cater to a newbie and an intermediate fly fisher.

4. Circuito Chico (Small Circuit)

Although I did not end up doing the Circuito Chico myself, you can bike or take a bus to see the beautiful views of the mountain. I spoke to many people in the hostel who said that biking was intense and was 20km round trip, about 12 ½ miles, but worth the adventure and views. You can rent bikes in various parts of the circuit.

5. Parque Municipal Llao-Llao

If you are not a very intense hiker, hiking to the top of Cerrito Llao Llao is a great half-day hike. It took us about 1 ½ hrs. to hike up, brought a lunch and enjoyed the view for about another hour (because it is that amazing). You take the bus 20 from the center of town to the very last stop at Llao Llao hotel. You will walk past the hotel and port about ½ a mile until you see a sign for the park. There are a variety of paths in the area, which also lead to little beaches if you want to relax.

Other suggestions recommended to us that we did not have time to do were:

• Rent a car and drive through the seven lakes (full day trip)
• Hike up to Cerro Catedral (full day hike)
• Visit Colonia Suiza (which has a market on Wednesdays and the weekends)

**Villa La Angostura – I would recommend only traveling to Villa La Angostura if you are passing by or just stopping for lunch. There is much more to do in Bariloche and not worth the 1 ½ hr. bus there.

Places to Eat in Bariloche:

This is my favorite topic because I LOVE to eat. I personally always recommend going to the fancier/more expensive restaurants for lunch, if they are open, as you do not have the pay the dinner charge and they sometimes have great deals on executive menus. Also remember, when you order sides, they are normally sides to share with the table!

1. Milanesa

La Fonda del Tio – This is where you will find great Milanesa for a great price! Rob and I love Milanesa, which is basically veal parmesan, just the Argentine way. Definitely go there for dinner because 1 milanesa is so large it feeds the both of you! Since we are a fan of the Italian veal Parmesan, we got the Milanesa Napolitana, which has a lot of cheese and some sauce. we call it the meat pizza. For two people it cost us under $300 pesos($24USD), which included 2 waters, 2 sides and the meal! It is definitely a local spot so get there in-between 8 and 830 as it fills by 9 and there is a weight. I do not think they make reservations.

It is so large it hangs out of the plate!

2. Beer

Manush – If you’re looking for some good beer, good food and fun environment then Manush is the place! They have a downstairs and upstairs outdoor patio and inside seating. Every night the place was packed for their happy hour of ½ off beer! I thoroughly enjoyed the Honey Beer. The food was delicious as well! ***There are many cervecerias in Bariloche so make sure you check the rest out too!

3. Chocolate

Mamuschka – Bariloche is known for it’s chocolate and with a chocolate shop on every corner, Mamushka is delicious. We just ate the chocolate, but you can sit and have a pastry or torta with tea or coffee. If you are a dark chocolate fan, you will be out of luck as their limited dark chocolate is sub par in Bariloche.

4. Steak

El Boliche de Alberto – In about a 1-block span there are 3 of these restaurants! Crazy I know, but you can either go to their Parilla (steak house) or their pasta restaurant. I chose the parilla and it was delicious! We ordered a Bife de Lomo, which is tenderloin and tried the lamb as well.  We got a side of papas fritas and a salad and wine. We spent about $20USD a person (wine, steak, 2 sides, and water).

Alto el Fuego – I did not have a chance to make it to Alto el Fuego but many people I spoke to who did said it was the best steak they had in all of Argentina! If you get a chance, I would check it out and make a reservation!

5. Mexican

Dias de Zapata – If you are feeling Mexican, then you are in luck! It is definitely not the same Mexican food I am use to in the states but it definitely satisfied my Mexican cravings. I ordered the chicken Fajitas and Rob ordered a Burrito. You will also not get chips and salsa but you will get BREAD and salsa for the table! Interesting, but the “salsa” is quite good since Argentina doesn’t do Mexican salsa. Service was average but only go if you are in the mood for Mexican as there are many other great restaurants to try out.

Have you ever traveled to Bariloche? Feel free to share your comments below as to what you did when you visited the city, I would love to hear about other peoples adventures!

The Answer To All Of Your Relationship Problems

Have you ever wondered what the “magic potion” is to fixing your problems in a relationship? Well, I may not have a PhD in relationship counseling and have not conducted experiments or researched this answer, but I can tell you something that can help...

TALKING!

Really…. The answer to all of my problems in my relationship is talking. Talking = having an open and respectful dialogue full of “I” statements and respectful requests.

First… you must be aware of THE MOST IMPORTANT IDEA OF A RELATIONSHIP, the 5 to 1 rule.

For every 1 cost of a relationship there MUST be at least 5 rewards. If this is not the case in your relationship…it’s probably not going to work out...sorry

(It’s called the social exchange theory if you want to learn more)

I have been living with my boyfriend Rob for the past 20 days in Argentina and we have been together for literally 23.5/7 (I exclude a half for when we have alone time in the bathroom). But seriously, when you live with someone, you are not normally together 24/7! Typically people living together go to work on their own, have special interests on their own, and then see each other in the evenings.

So, with this constant togetherness, there ought to be some arguing…right? Wrong!

In the 7 months of our relationship and the past 20 days of living 24/7 together, there has not been 1 argument. Today was the first day when I thought, oh maybe we will have our “first argument” as I was feeling a need for some independence and space. But what ended up happening is that we just talked.

I know there are many factors that go into a relationship and this is most likely not going to fix all of your problems in your relationship. But there are a few things I learned in a Close Relationships course at UConn that have completely changed how to handle conflict in relationships.

The more unexpressed annoyances and irritants partners have, the less satisfied they tend to be in their relationship... SO LET THEM OUT!

People handle conflicts differently; I for one use to always hold in what was bothering me until one day I would just explode and let everything plus the kitchen sink out. But it is best to express your conflict ASAP and not let it build, but express your conflict correctly.

I give you 1 challenge:

If something is bothering you in your relationship, try a different method. Approach your partner respectfully and start with an "I" statement, for example:

"Rob, when we go grocery shopping, I feel as though I do not have as much as a say with what we pick for dinner. I would appreciate it if next time I would have more of a say with what we get for dinner." (This is a real conflict that happened tonight FYI)

VS.

"Rob, you don’t let me pick out food I want to get for dinner, you are so controlling!"

See a difference? In the first situation you are expressing YOUR OWN feelings and using “I” statements where the second you are ATTACKING the other person, even if you are calmly speaking. The second scenario causes the other person to put up a shield for protection. Accusation statements just go down hill and are start of the YOU DO THIS, AND YOU DO THAT arguments.

It may be hard at first, but if a couple can make it a habit of using “I” statements and respectful requests, it can really help a relationship.

Here is a great workbook from my former Professor, Heather Lagace, that has many activities on how to think, act, and understand your relationships differently. http://www.amazon.com/Growing-Healthier-Relationship-Heather-Lagace-ebook/dp/B009YZ9E0O

Good Luck Love Birds!

Argentina's 21 Hour Bus Ride from Buenos Aires to Bariloche

One thing Rob and I wanted to do while in Argentina was seeing the countryside so we decided to travel to San Carolos de Bariloche. There are 2 ways to get there…fly or take a 20-24 hour bus ride. So we decided to do both! We took the bus down to Bariloche and will be flying back to Buenos Aires.

Yes, you heard it, we were on a non-stop bus from Buenos Aires to Bariloche for 21 hours!

For you fellow travelers who think a 20-24 hr bus ride is for you, I would like to share with you our experience, as there wasn’t a lot of information out there for us when we were researching.

Just to put the bus trip into perspective, Buenos Aires to Bariloche is around 1,000 miles, so to compare it to a trip in the United States, it is like driving from New York City to Memphis, TN. Except once you get outside of the Buenos Aires, there is nothing but wide open land!

Should you fly or take a bus?

A few questions to ask yourself when planning how to get to the countryside of Argentina:

• Do I have a time constraint?
  • Yes - then a bus trip may not be the best for you as it is a full day of travel just one way. Depending on your time constraint you can always take a bus one-way and fly back another. Flight from BA to Bariloche is about 2 hrs
  • No - the bus can give you a free nights sleep and a new travel experience. Bus ride from BA to Bariloche 20-24 hrs
• Do I have a tight budget?
  • Yes, then traveling by bus can save you a few hundred dollars on travel! One way bus ticket cost 107USD vs. a one way flight cost 221 USD per person.
  • No, then you can still take the bus to save some money, take a plane, or do both!
• Is this a last minute trip?
  • Many times you can go to the Retiro station and buy a bus ticket for a trip that day! Although I would advice a few days in advance to make sure you get a good seat, but if that doesn’t bother you then you will be fine. Buses leave every 10 minutes from the Retiro station to travel all over the country. You can go to the Retiro website and see what time the buses leave to your destination.

How to book a bus trip from Buenos Aires to Bariloche (most likely applicable to other places in the country as well)

1. Purchase tickets at the Retiro Station in Buenos Aires. You can purchase them online but to get the best conversion rate purchase them in person with pesos.
2. Make sure you go to Terminal de Omnibus de Retiro. There is a train station as well but it is a walk away from the bus station, and the area is not the best to be walking in. This link is helpful in the directions to the station and planning which bus you are going to take. http://www.omnilineas.com/argentina/tips/retiro/
3. Walk up to the second floor and then you will see about 200 ticket booths (most just repeats of the same thing). I recommend doing your research on the bus company you want to take. You will also need your passport number so be prepared
   1. We took Via Bariloche - Cama Ejectivo - Summary of the different classes are on the website http://www.omnilineas.com/argentina/tips/categories/
4. The day of your travel, I would say get there no later than 30 minutes before the bus leaves. The bus terminals are on the first floor of the building. They normally do not announce what platform the bus will be at until 20 minutes before it leaves.

Bus Travel (Via Bariloche)

I can only speak for bus travel through Via Bariloche through Cama Ejectivo but would recommend you check out this website below for a some more information about general bus travel in Buenos Aires. http://travel-stained.com/2013/04/17/buenos-dias-buenos-aires-bus-travel-in-argentina/

Rob and I had the two front row seats of the top of the bus and we had a great panoramic view of our journey. The buses recline in between 45-60 degrees back with a footrest. Via Bariloche provided a thick blanket and small pillow for the trip.

Basic information to be aware of when traveling on buses in Argentina

Food

• Bring plenty of snacks and water! Our bus left at 2:00pm and was not given any snacks or drink until about 5:30. The snack consisted of a pre-packaged packet of an alfajores, saltine crackers, jam and tea or coffee. We were lucky that we brought a lunch with us, otherwise we would have been starving!
• Dinner – We were fed dinner at 9:30, typical for Argentines, and the food consisted of another prepackaged meal. The meal consisted of 3 slices of ham with rice with a mayonnaise base (wasn’t too bad), more crackers, bread, dulce de leche, and flan. When we first received our meal we were disappointed there was not a larger “meal”. But after about 10 minutes later they brought us a hot meal that had beef and mashed potatoes.
• Breakfast – Breakfast was served at 9:00am and consisted of the same thing as the snack the day before, not very breakfast like.

General Tips

• Bring lots of water, snacks/sandwiches/fruit.
• Wet wipes or hand sanitizer, as our bus ran out of running water.
• Ear Plugs! The bus plays movies and music on the speakers so if you do not want to listen to them then bring earplugs. You also don’t want to end up like me and sit next to a very loud snorer!
• Check your bus line before hand to see if they even feed or provide you blankets as I have read many do not, depending on the length and class.
• It is worth the experience to take the bus at least once, but if you can afford it, then flying is the way to go.

I hope sharing my adventure through Argentina Bus travel will help at-least one person in the future with their travel plans.

Make sure to look out for my next blog post about our adventures in Bariloche!