Supposedly today is International Pageant Day and this feels suiting to share. 3 years ago I shared a post about processing my first year after my last pageant. That post was so therapeutic to share and a few years later I have another one for you all.
This weekend young women are checking in and competing for the titles of Miss Connecticut USA and Teen USA. This year I keep thinking about my experiences competing and how much I miss the adrenaline, the glam and the excitement of this weekend. I keep imagining what everyone is feeling right now, picking out the perfect check-in outfit, last-minute preparations, getting your hair and make-up on point. I can’t tell you the number of times I have recently dreamt that I was competing in the pageant again (even though in my dreams I was still married and had a child lol).
Every young woman who steps into that competition has the goal to walk away with the crown. It may be someones very first time competing or someone's 7th + time. They all worked so hard for months, preparing to bring their best selves mentally and physically to show the judges that they are the ones for this job. At the end of the day, only one will walk away with the crown and no matter what that is hard to deal with.
The feeling we get when we have a crown on our head, is we feel heard, seen and have this amazing purpose. We are driven women making a difference in our communities, inspiring others to be strong and believe in themselves and be a beacon of hope. People are watching you, paying attention to your every move and you feel like a celebrity which brings the good and bad, but it feels really good.
When the pageant weekend ends and the crown is not on your head you may become lost, confused and not understand your purpose anymore.
After my fourth and last time competing for Miss Connecticut USA, I was so close. Placing 1st runner up and winning the interview award is an amazing accomplishment that I am proud of but it wasn’t the crown.
That feeling of complete uncertainty and unpredictability is tough to handle and process. That last year of competing I had never felt so secure in who I was as a young woman. In years past I would focus on what I thought the judges would be looking for or wanting to hear instead of my own desires and ideas. Although I was heartbroken, I was also at peace because the many years of competing in pageants all connected in that moment of true self-worth.
I wish so badly I could say I was Miss Connecticut USA and competed at Miss USA but that was not my reality. I am grateful to say I was Miss Connecticut Teen USA, something that so many also worked to achieve, but not being about to walk across that Miss USA stage on National television will always be something I will wish I achieved.
Winning the pageant feels like the end goal at the moment but now being on the other side life goes on and it may take time to find ways to continue to embrace your pageantry side of life outside of pageants. Your life may not be as glamorous but the work you have put into yourself will not go unnoticed. I may not be a celebrity but I can walk into a room without a crown and be noticed. I can nail any job interview because I can speak confidently and answer any question even if I don’t know the answer. I also know what my body needs physically and mentally. We are all amazing women and I am forever grateful for the life preparation pageants gave me.
For the young women who walk away with the crown, congratulations you are worthy and will have an unforgettable year ahead of you. To the rest of you who do not, you are allowed to be upset and heartbroken. But remember…
You are also worthy.
You are remarkable.
You are inspiring.
You are beautiful.
Sincerely,
Samantha (Sojka) LaBonne
